Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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