worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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