I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
