went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
