Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
