Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
