We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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