Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
