As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
