it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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