I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
