glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
