Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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