i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
