Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
