I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
