I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
