i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
