would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
