Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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