Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
