Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
