i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
