and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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