She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
