well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
