you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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