i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
