are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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