Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
