alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
