My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
