we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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