I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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