I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
