Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
