when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I could fuck to npr.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
