and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
