Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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