i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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