We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
