I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
