And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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