Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
