I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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