My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
