i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
