if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
