I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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