Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
