it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
