I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
