it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
